a list of things you didn't ask to know

This is a great list that I stole from a great blog I have started following, http://mylipsinstitches.blogspot.com (What a great name!)

I am: not nearly as complex as I think I am.

I think: too much about things that do not matter.

I know: my name. And some days, that's the best I can do.

I want: my kids to know Christ more than I can ever tell.

I wish: that I could take a girls-only trip with some of my favorite gals. (Maybe when the kids are older!)

I hate: my poor self-image.

I miss: opportunities to serve everyday.

I fear: roaches. They are an abomination.

I feel: deeply and passionately.

I hear: a soundtrack to each day in my head.

I smell: not so great sometimes. I'm a mother of toddlers, sometimes it's a day or so between showers. (I'm just saying.)

I crave: attention and affirmation.

I search: for missing socks on an ongoing basis.

I wonder: if my husband still gets weak when I kiss him.

I regret: not talking longer to my Dad the last time.

I love: to teach.

I ache: after "running."

I care: about many issues and I love Jesus, however you will not see me post something on my facebook status or e-mail something to prove it.

I always: eat more than I should.

I am not: satisfied to stay as I am.

I believe: that God has more for me than I embrace.

I dance: very poorly.

I sing: silly songs to make Daddy's Girl laugh.

I cry: ugly, loud and full-body.

I don't always: listen to everything you are saying.

I fight: mean.

I write: different than I speak.

I lose: track of how many times a day my name is called. (But I love the voices.)

I never: want to forget how blessed I am.

I confuse: chocolate for fruits and vegetables all the time.

I listen: to music to match my mood.

I can usually be found: if I am lost.

I am scared: that my house always smells like diapers.

I need: my children to know that marriage can still be passionate after 13 years.

I am happy about: some things more than others.

I hope: this list hasn't bored you.

Confessions of a Stay-at-Home Mom

I actually taped my stomach up with packaging tape to go to an appointment after KB was born.

I sort of had a crush on Greg from the Wiggles. And had a brief one on Joe from Blue's Clues although Steve is my favorite.

Two of my favorite sights have become the little yellow envelope on my cell phone and the red notification flag on FB. (Unless the little red flag is there to inform me that your kindergarten teacher's cousin's half-uncle has tagged his dog in a photo.)

I love the smell of Play-Doh.

I am sometimes in the bathroom for a reallllllllly long time, not because of any gastro-intestinal illness, but because I want to be left alone, and no one goes with me to the bathroom--long-standing rule.

I do crafts with my children, not because they necessarily love them, but because I loooooove them. (Bring on the glitter, pipe cleaners and construction paper!)

I have put away dishes from the dishwasher into the cabinets with dried food on them more than once.

I have said, "I do not need to have to change wet pants again today," and was not talking about the children. (Pregnancy destroys the body.)

I have left the house with snot and food stains on my clothes that I hope people will think happened en route.

Only 15 minutes left

Monday is almost over and I'm about to miss another day of my self-proclaimed 25 days of blogging. Don't have much to tell today. My Little Prince has RSV. Sweet Sunshine has another ear infection (anyone see tubes in her future?). And the Camry needs a new motor. I think I'll get Mr. Wonderful fuzzy dice while were at it.

Went to Walgreens (no hypnotic music playing like in the commercial), but as I wandered the aisles I thought...

...I think I might look like an exotic dancer if I used the Bumpit (from the neck up I mean).

...Fake Drakar? Really? If you are still using Drakar at this point, I say spring for the real stuff.

...This box cutter laying open on the shelf is really not a good idea. Especially with all the pseudoephedrines lining the pharmacy shelf behind the very low wall that could easily be jumped by a junkie with a box cutter. (I promptly delivered it to the lady behind the photo counter.)

...I wonder if I could be a silver if I washed with that rinse in shampoo? Just for a day or so.

Anyway, that's about it as I sit here by my little Charlie Brown Christmas tree and tap out my blog. Wow! Ten minutes left...

Day 2

"Seldom, very seldom, does complete truth belong to any human disclosure; seldom can it happen that something is not a little disguised, or a little mistaken." Jane Austin

I love this quote. I am a person who loves the truth and struggles with wanting to be completely honest and yet getting to complete transparency with others is a frightening prospect. (had to stop, take Little Prince to potty, get stars and "tweats," start "Go, Potty, Go" and grab a second cup of coffee. Back to writing. What was I saying, oh yeah.") This tendency is most likely the reason that I have stopped and started writing so many times. After writing a few lines, I tend to look at it going, "Is that really the way it is or do I just want to seem like that is how it is?" Most people wouldn't think twice about it and maybe everyone is truly transparent. But now that I have posted Ms. Austin's "disclaimer" perhaps I can be a little more free with my blogs (although that could be scary!). I guess the question is "how much honesty do people really want?"

Quick! Before it's time to meet the bus!

I am hopped up on a small cup of regular coffee and a large Dt. Dr. Pepper, so if I ramble more than usual, I'm sorry.

I can't think of any clever way to start or flow with this post so I'm just gonna jump in.  My heart is ever so grateful to some people today for helping me get past my ugly (both inside and out).  I haven't had a haircut since possibly before Sunshine was born which puts it at about two years.  And yes, it was just as bad as you are imagining.  I was channeling my inner pioneer woman and wondering which calico dress to wear for the barn raising!  It began with wanting longer hair and ended with finding about 100 more "sensible" uses for haircut $ every month.  But Sunday night I caught a side glimpse of myself in the mirror and got a resolute "Yes, it is." from Mr. Wonderful when I said it was time for me to suck it up and go get a haircut.  That was all it took.  (So first thanks to my husband for the "affirmation.")

Monday was long because, as you ladies know, hair stylists--for the most part--don't work on Mondays.  I supposed it is a union thing.  So I call this AM to get an appointment with a stylist I used years ago, and they asked if I could be in at 10:30 today.  Seriously?!!  Yes!  Hallalujah! Then I realized I had to find someone to keep Little Prince and Sunshine while I went.  It's not that I can't go places with my kids, it's just that after two years of neglect I needed uninterrupted time with my stylist to undo the bad do that I had done to myself.  All I could picture was LP toppling the candle display and SS wriggling and inconsolable in my lap.  So ashamedly, I called my precious friend Angel (she is truly an angel), who was trying to get work done while her own kids were gone and asked for the monumental favor.  Because acts of unparalleled  service are her love language, she offered to keep the kids for however long it took for this stylist to work some sort of magic.  God bless Angel.  Seriously.  (Second thanks to Angel.)

So I went and got it cut and was chatted with and complimented in a way only stylists can do and have stepped back into not only this decade but this century for the time being.  But I have also realized that no matter how much I long to believe that I have cast off the things that entangle in this world and have fixed my eyes on what lies ahead, I haven't really.  For a while now I have felt the need to wear the disclaimer t-shirt that states "I know this is what not to wear."  I have watched enough episodes that I hear Clinton and whats-her-name with the on-again/off-again Bonnie Rait grey steak in her hair yelling in my brain..."You should wear a dark wash jean that fits at the fullest part of the leg and flows down straight." or "Seriously?  Another black faded cotton-knit shirt?"  I know these things.  And I want to post a sign in the front yard that says, "I know I should spend more time here."  I know that the yard desperately needs my attention and that I should fix about half a dozen things yesterday!  I feel the need to be a walking disclaimer.  I know my kids shouldn't be allowed to eat refined sugars and I should have a date night at least once a week.  I know all these things.  I want these things.  Desperately.  But for now, it's not going to happen.  I also know that I should finish this post better, but LP is no longer napping and is creating a stir in his room.  I know.  I've got to go. 

Cookies and Caches and Babies oh my!

I have no idea what the conflict is between my computer and blogspot.com, but the rift has been part of my delay in posting.  I am unable to log onto my page because of something to do with a cache (my understanding of that word goes no further than the fact that it might be one of the stores my mom likes to shop) and cookies (which are my personal nemesis anyway).  But now I am on my sister & brother-in-law's computer so I have faked it out for the moment.

I am thrilled to have a few days to bond with my new niece and hang with her super cool big sis.  It is great to see their family grow, and I am so looking forward to many years of great times ahead.  I also got slammed really fast into the end of "baby fever."  I have been really thinking that another baby soon would be such a cool thing (I don't know why since Mr. Wonderful has made abundantly clear his stance on the matter).  However, upon my arrival and quick acquisition of this precious, adorable, tiny, cuddly, "floppy", peaceful little namesake of mine (shameless plug...I am really psyched about that!), I became very tired at the thought of adding a baby to our mix.  It all came back to me and I realized that I've got all I can say grace over. So for the moment, I am very content snuggling with my darling little niece and then letting SonSon stay up with her at night.  Sunshine will soon be on her own at night and I think I might be a cool person on a full 8 hours sleep.  So maybe later stork, but if not, I really like our little family just like this.  

FYI

I have absolutely no idea why I think I can pull this off.  My life around here is nuts like everyone else's.  Someone is always snotty or in need of something or going somewhere or having an emotional breakdown, so putting a thought together takes some real effort.  But I'll begin...

It has only taken 35 years for me to begin to be comfortable with me.  Although I'm not completely sure who I am (I believe it changes, so I suppose I never will be), I am becoming more sure of who I am not.  And for once I'm ok with that. 

 For example, I am not a size 4.  Those days are gone.  They were good, but oh well.  

 I'm also not one of those super-trendy moms that can co-ordinate colors and always knows what looks good.  I'd like to be, but I'm not.  That is why the majority of my wardrobe is black and most of the walls in my house are still the same "apartment cream" they were when we moved in seven years ago.  

I'm not someone who always has their points and reasons together the first time I say something.  This is my disclaimer for all following posts.  Sometimes I get a thought, spit it out and then spend the rest of the day wondering what I meant by that or did that come out right?  And since I had kids, I can't come up with a 3-syllable word to save my life.

There are lots of other things I am not, but I am sure you will figure those out if you read anything else I post, as we say in the South, "Bless your heart!"