Sunday, August 21, 2011

The truth about this summer

This summer will not go down in the history of our Tribe as the most stellar of all summers. 

To be honest, it kind of was crummy. 

Not because we didn't do some fun stuff or because anything new and crummy happened, just because it was very stagnant.

There was (and is) no new word on the employment front.  We continued this summer to "actively wait" for God to shine some light on "the meaning of it all."  But alas, He has not.

This summer Mr. Wonderful and I also decided that it would be best for me to go back to work, and, for the first time since I have had kids, this did not completely destroy me.  So I began the job search alongside my husband.  And I truly believe that one of the reasons God brought me to this point was to create in me some level of grace and compassion for what Mr. Wonderful has been going through. 


Job searching pretty much stinks.  Finding jobs, applying for jobs, interviewing for jobs, getting those company-logo-embossed letters from jobs telling you that you didn't get the is exhausting and deflating to say the least.  And I am still not employed. 

So it was a summer of passing the time as cheaply as possible while waiting for something...anything, to happen.

And yelling.  A lot.

I realized that all my chipper attitude the first seven months of this journey was due in part to the fact that we stay so busy that I was too distracted to get down.  But summer, like a nosey neighbor, looked in every nook and cranny and nasty dark place in my heart and exposed it.  I was angry, depressed, grumpy and self-absorbed.  And I didn't care.

And then curiously, all of the sudden, my bad mood lifted.

School began. 

Activities were back in full swing.

The promise of weekends full of grilled fatty meat and melted cheese mixed with anything from a can suddenly soothed the savage beast.

I am again...distracted.  And I love it. 

I am back in a good place where I can honestly say that although we have only prospects of employment and our income does not match our expenses...God is good.  I am at peace with it, and I am amazed all the time at how God comes through in the most amazing ways to say, "I have not forgotten, nor will I ever forget you."

He has a plan, and it is beyond my understanding.  (Big shock, Him being God and me...not.)  It makes no sense to me whatsoever how my brilliant husband has not been snatched up to work in a career he is so gifted in (although I am very grateful for the work he does have, especially since it has created some lovely biceps-just sayin'.)  And it is beyond me why when I am ready and willing to work and have had interviews for jobs I am perfect for, I am still unemployed.  And it is just unbelievable to me that a family of five can exist for this long on so little and yet have full cabinets, refrigerator and freezer at all times. 

I can't wait to see what God has in store, because what He has been doing is unfathomable. 

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