Thursday, January 21, 2010

Taking care of business

I had to stop cleaning to write while this was fresh on my mind.

Years ago, in my former life, I was an Advertising Account Executive. That is just fancy talk for "sales monkey."

Anyway, I consider my new life as a full-time Domestic Engineer, my new career. And my kids are my co-workers, if you will.

So today I am imagining what a business day would have looked like then, were it under the same type of conditions as it is now. Here's my best guess.

The minute I wake up, I'm at the office. In fact I slept at the office. I sit down for coffee with the other sales people after I have gotten their bagel, prepared it and cut it up for them. After I have picked it up off the floor a half-dozen times, I wipe their hands and they are off.

Now I'm at my desk working on setting up appointments. "Yes, Mr. So-and-so, owner of We Got Stuff, I have got that proposal ready...could you please hold?" Pause to ask two co-workers to please share the copy machine or they will be sent to their desk for age appropriate time-outs. "I'm sorry. Now when are you availa...,excuse me." "I said share, and I will not ask you again!" "I apologize, Mr. So-and-so." You get the picture.

So now, before I can sit down at my desk to work on spec ads and proposals (which must be done), I have to clean up the toner that has been spilt on the floor. Change the clothes of the co-worker sitting and playing in the toner and send him to his desk. Meanwhile, another fellow salesperson has climbed into the off-limit supply cabinet and poured out all paper-clips and tacks and is running around without shoes or pants. Ok, check to make sure the co-worker doesn't have any of these in her mouth (or her bare feet) and secure her at her desk. Now I have to separate and put away all tacks and paperclips. (Notice I still haven't gotten to the ads and proposals?) I put clothes and shoes on the gal that made the mess and let her loose from her desk.

Why is there peanut butter all over the stapler? Seriously? You have to go to the bathroom right now? Ok, done. Now I'm back to work. Wait, two co-workers are crying for a snack. Didn't we just eat 45-minutes ago?

That would be the first hour. I shutter to think what the rest of the day would have looked like.


  1. I'm officially terrified of ever having children, haha.

  2. Wait, have you been at my office lately? I think "age appropriate" time outs might work with some of the people I work with.


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