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The house will not be clean when you get home today and here is why:
Today is payday. We are so very grateful for your diligent work every week to earn the money with which we pay our bills and allow me to stay home with the babies. This is a gift and a treasure which I cannot thank you enough for.
So, being payday, this morning was spent making sure that everyone got their due dollars. Well, that and trying to save Sunshine from Little Prince's idea of fun (aka. covering her head with a blanket, stealing whatever toy she had and shutting her in the dark laundry room.)
And as you will recall, Daddy's Girl left her lunch at home again. So I had to do a little arranging to be sure she could eat, further her education, secure a nice salary and pay for the retirement villa we are looking at on the coast (with unlimited golf, of course.)
And of course everyone in the house knows that it is the end of the month. How do they know? Because most of our conversations before mealtimes go something like this:
"Can I have some cereal?"
"Sure, do you want Kix?"
"No, circle cereal." (Honey Nut Cheerios)
"We don't have any. All we have is Kix. And we are out of milk, so you will have to eat it dry."
"Can I have a breakfast bar?"
"We don't have any."
"Can I have toast?"
"Yes." And I then dig out of the bottom of the bag the remaining ragtag end-piece of toast.
While there is food in the house, there are many essentials we are missing and it is that blessed time again where I make our grocery list which causes me no shortage of stress and anxiety.
In order to partner with you in providing the most for our family, I am attempting to coupon. It all sounds simple in concept. But my dear, there is an intricate formula involved that takes a Ph.D and some studying abroad in China, I am convinced, in order to understand it much less put it into practice. I have friends who make it look effortless, but I was never good at word problems and it is frankly just over my head. But I am trying. I have my coupons, my flyers and my engineering calculator and am going to spend the better part of naptime trying to to make sense of it all.
Just so you feel better about the care of your children, I did feed them PB&J made with loving hands and pretzels for lunch. Then after they played a bit, I read them a book, Dr. Seuss or course, and tucked the little dears in for their nap.
At some point I will have to get a shower because, as you know, we have a school meeting tonight and I just can't go looking like this. We have to stop on the way for some supplies too, by the way.
I think I'm going to have to give Little Prince and Sunshine a bath before we go because Sunshine's hair is looking like that creepy uncle who was trying to win the radio contest on One Crazy Summer with Jon Cusack. And since she will most likely be screaming tonight throughout the meeting, she better at least look adorable.
Then I'm sure Daddy's Girl will have homework, and I've promised her a very long discussion about the responsibility of remembering to take your lunch to school. Plus, I've got to work some sort of culinary magic so we can eat dinner in 15 minutes and be off to our meeting.
So like I was saying, the house will not be clean when you get home. I'm just sayin'.
Disclaimer: My husband is not neanderthal or a pig and is extremely helpful with and supportive of domestic duties. He is...Mr. Wonderful. I just felt he needed to be prepared for what awaits him.