Ok, things really were going smoothly.
Then Mr. Wonderful went on what began as a two-day work trip.
It actually began before that, but for the sake of time, and my reputation, we will just start there.
Mr. Wonderful has been picking up some side-work during this wonderfully "refining" time of unemployment. It has been great as it is in athletics (which he loves), it gets him out of the house (which let's face it, we both love sometimes), and heck! it pays.
So as I mentioned, he left town on a Friday morning and was supposed to be home some time in the wee hours between Saturday night and Sunday morning. He would be taking our one car, because, although he is Mr. Wonderful, he cannot fly. This would leave me at home hundreds of miles away, with three kids, without a car. Which is normally no big deal, until...
he was offered a chance to work again Sunday and Monday in another town.
Not that big a deal on the surface, but I had a house of cards very carefully stacked and it was all about to come (dramatic pause) crashing (another dramatic pause) down.
A very dear sistah was having twins Sunday morning and I was asked to video. Not that I wasn't replaceable, but I had waited seven months for this very blessed event and was not at all happy that I might miss it. I mean! And Monday morning, I was supposed to facilitate a Bible study, our last meeting in a series, and I had harped on how important it was that we be there every week. How the heck was I going to swing all this? (Remember no car...no carseats...nada.)
So I began in panic to make arrangements that seemed to rival the comings and goings most major airlines. Ok, you can arrive at 6:15 am and keep the kids and is it ok if I borrow your car to drive to the hospital and I promise I will be home by 9 am so you can be at the church for childcare in time. And, next self-sacrificing friend, if you could be here at 9 am on Monday and bring your precious toddler for playtime with mine (i.e., keep my kids and your kid at my house) then I can arrange for someone to pick me up so that I can get to Bible study. And I promise to bring lunch (bribe, bribe).
In the meantime, I had spent some time making a sweet 16 cake twice!, was fighting off a sore throat (I was NOT going to miss seeing those babies born!), and was just in general a sleep-deprived beast! All of this while picturing my husband in a quiet hotel room alone, fixing no one's dinner, sleeping as late as he pleased and enjoying his favorite diversion-sports, for FOUR days!
I think I have painted the picture pretty clearly. It would be gracious to say that my attitude was a little less than pretty. In fact, Daddy's Girl will be the first to tell you that Saturday was one of the worst days ever!
After dancing along these past 5 months since "The Event," I hit a brick wall AND fell in the pit!
So I am slowly emerging out of my own handmade disaster area and realizing several things:
1. I am not perfect. Never have been. Never will be on this earth. I have worked very hard at it for thirty-something years and am calling it a day. I think I will just let Jesus handle it on His own.
2. I am going to cut myself some slack and stop thinking that I alone hold the key to everyone in my life's happiness and success. Sometimes, I just can't pull it off. I can't do it all. And that is...ok. No one really expected me to anyway.
3. I am going to have some honest emotions and quit trying to suppress everything. (Ok, that one may take some work.)
There are a few other things that I am not sure have sunk in, but for now, I said that I didn't want to come out of this "journey" that the Tribe & I have been on unchanged. Maybe this is part of that. We shall see.