Day 2-Part B

I don't understand why I can't just move forward.  Why I stand (or sit) frozen in fear unable to simply indicate what I want  and stand by that decision?  It absolutely horrifies me.  And I feel like I won't be able to enjoy the holidays until I can come to grips with my demons.

What is it that I'm grappling with?  Online Christmas shopping.

The prospect of billions of Christmas gift possibilities, coupled with the fact that I am quite possibly one of the cheapest women around (save your comments), has made internet shopping the equivalent of mental Novocaine to me.  I have gotten to the point that I can put items into my cart, however, the thought of actually purchasing the items is beyond my capabilities.  

"What if I could find it cheaper on one of those weird black-market like websites that everyone seems to know by heart but me?"

"Have I really thought about what I'm buying or is it just the thrill of having a package come to my house that I'm so gung-ho about?"

I seriously am physically uncomfortable after having "browsed" Old Navy, Gap and the Children's Place for crying out loud!  And that's another thing, I get upset with the fact that these stores are right down the freaking road from my house.   So I debate the value of time saved and not having to bundle up "the babies" and drag them out into the cold and the swine flu versus the cost of shipping (remember, I'm cheap.)

And shouldn't I know of cooler places to shop?  Everyone else finds stuff on ebay or some cutesy little kids site that is so much more original than mass-produced mall fashion.  Doesn't the world deserve to see that my kids have personality and style?!!!

Anyway, maybe I will overcome this fear and loathing.  Maybe I will be able to do the rest of my Christmas shopping from the warmth and comfort of my humble home.  Maybe the anxiety will subside before midnight so I can get a decent nights rest.  Happy shopping.

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